Feeling unappreciated? This may be why

Do you know your love language?

Have you ever played a game of Chinese-whispers?

You’re sitting with a group of giggling friends in a circle and one person starts spreading a message to the group by whispering their secret into the ear of the person next to them. Everyone wants to know what the secret is!

Then the first person to hear the message smiles knowingly and turns to the person opposite them and whispers the same message they think they heard into the next person’s ear… And on it goes, until, finally, the last person in the circle to hear the message tells the eager crowd what they heard. EVERYBODY laughs! Because undoubtedly, the message has changed and become something completely different to what the original message was.

We’ve all been there. A miscommunication, a misunderstanding. Confusion. Frustration. *cue Nina Simone and ♪ “Please Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood…”* ♪ (you can thank me for that earworm later☺)

This is what happens to us when we hear a message and we don’t have the skills to communicate clearly, check it out, clarify or really understand what the other person is trying to say. And, we can just as easily be misunderstood by another person.

The one tool I’m sharing with you today is all about how to get better understanding about how you feel appreciated, and how you can feel more appreciated and also have the added benefit of having your loved ones feel appreciated too once you know understand and share this tool.

You might be asking how can I feel more appreciated and wondering what your love language is? Good question!

Today’s tip comes from Gary Chapman’s book called, The Five Love Languages.

In his book he describes how we all have a love language that we speak … and that usually, we speak the language we most would like to receive.

Let me explain.

According to Gary, there are 5 ways people like to communicate, share, and express their love and appreciation.  And, what usually happens is that people like to receive the same type of love language that they show and share with others.

Do you know what your love language is? (*I will put a link below where you can take a free test to discover what your love language is, in case you don’t immediately resonate with one of the following descriptions)

There are 5 ways people like to communicate, share and express their love. What's yours?Click To Tweet

Here are the 5 love languages:

1. Acts of Service

An act of service is doing something thoughtful, loving and kind for the other person with the intention of being helpful and of service. For example, filling up the car with petrol, doing the dishes, vacuuming the house, picking up the groceries, cleaning up the garage… etc. these are all examples of this type of love language.

A person who has this love language will also prefer to receive this kind of act of service as a way to make them feel valued, appreciated and loved.

2. Quality Time

Quality time is spending time with the other person… the activities you engage in can depend on the person whose preference this is. Do you like watching movies together? Taking walks together? Going for a drive? It is so important to know what you want and what you like.

3. Gift Giving

Some people whose love language this is are excellent gift givers. They just always seem to know what to buy for others. They also love receiving gifts!

4. Words of Praise and Affirmation

Words of love, appreciation, praise, and kindness. This person likes to hear words being expressed to them telling them how much you like, love and appreciate them for who they are and what they do. This type of love language may like to receive a card, a thank you note, a letter or e-mail expressing your thanks to them.

Someone with this love language may be very effusive or forthcoming with their praise, admiration, expressions of love or thanks. They may find it easy to tell you how they feel as words of affirmation and praise come easy to them.

5. Physical Touch

This love language can involve any sort of physical touch. Whether it is holding hands, giving / receiving a hug, playing a physical sport together, this perfect needs to feel physical love and affection to feel appreciated valued and loved.

As with learning normal language it may not come natural to you and may feel a bit awkward or clumsy to you when you first start trying to speak the language the other person you’re in a relationship with, prefers… or trying to communicate your own preferences about what you prefer.

With practice, intention and effort, anything can be learned.

With practice, intention and effort, anything can be learned. ~Shona SharmaClick To Tweet

The key to all of these love languages is that you are willing to learn this for yourself and for the other person.

This tool is great as it can be used for any relationship – not just for romantic connections.

What’s YOUR Love Language?

If you don’t already know, here is a link to a quick free test to find out more. http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Leave a comment below and tell me what your love language is, and one person you can share this fantastic tool with.

Happy communicating!

Shona x

For more information on how you can learn to communicate better, feel more confident and take control of your life, book your free strategy session with me here to learn more about investing in yourself with one of my courses.

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